My Name Is Susan
by c0ntxgious
Summary: 'Elliot glared at him. "A pack of rapists against Olivia? I don't think so," he growled. Olivia cut in. "It's fine, Elliot. I know what I'm doing. I'll be all right," she said.' One-shot E/O with a twist in the middle...R&R please!


**Disclaimer: **_**I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING AT ALL. **_

** AN: Okay, so I know that this is pretty long to be a one-shot, but...that's just how it ended up. (: Hope you like it. **

"Elliot..." Cragen put his hand on Elliot's shoulder, and Elliot looked up at him.

"What?" he asked.

Cragen stared at him with discomfort as he felt a tear roll down his face.

What the hell? Cragen was crying? What was going on here?

"It's Olivia. She was hurt while she was undercover, and...and she didn't make it."

_One week earlier_

"Olivia, come to my office!" Cragen yelled from his doorway.

Elliot watched as Olivia obediently strode into his office. He wondered what Cragen was saying to her.

A few minutes later, Olivia came out of the office and went to her desk. Elliot stared at her expectantly.

"I'm going undercover to catch the Upper West Side rapist," she said.

"I'm going with you, right?" he questioned.

Olivia shook her head. "No."

Elliot stood up. "Well, who's going with you?" he asked, crossing his strong arms across his chest.

She looked at him for a minute. "Nobody," she announced.

He looked like somebody had slapped him in the face. "No way. You don't need to go undercover alone. That's not safe," he said.

Olivia furrowed her eyebrows. "Of course it's not safe. Nothing we do is safe. I'll be fine," she said.

"What are you going undercover for?" he asked.

"I'm going under as a prostitute. The perp always rapes and kills the prostitutes up there, so, that's what I'm going to do. Then I'll get him and arrest him," Olivia explained.

Elliot shook his head, but Olivia had already left to start packing her things. He followed her into the locker room and put his hand on her shoulder. She turned around to face him and he gave her a concerned look.

"Elliot, I'll be fine. I've gone undercover before," she said.

"Not alone."

"Yes I have," she insisted.

Elliot leaned into the lockers and brought his face closer to hers. "And looked what happened the last time you did that."

Olivia flinched a little and swallowed loudly. She didn't say anything.

"Look, I don't want you doing this," Elliot said.

"I don't care, Elliot. It's not your business," she replied.

"Yes it is," he spat.

"Why?" Olivia demanded to know.

"Because I'm your partner and I care about you. It's completely my business," he said, looking into her eyes.

Olivia softened. "Cragen wants me going alone."

Elliot shook his head. "I'm going to talk to him about that," he said, leaving the locker room and marching to Cragen's office. Olivia followed him but she didn't say anything when he began to protest to Cragen. In all honesty, Olivia definitely wouldn't mind Elliot going undercover with her, but Cragen wanted her undercover alone because if Elliot was there, there was a chance that their covers woiuld be blown.

"Why can't I go undercover with her?" Elliot demanded.

Cragen entwined his fingers and looked down at his desk, and then back up at Elliot.

"I don't want your covers blown. If Olivia goes alone, everything should be all right-"

"Except for the fact that she won't have any protection or back-up," Elliot interrupted angrily.

Cragen nodded. "She'll have it under control. It's very important that we catch this guy. He's raped and killed seven women now in a month. Imagine how many more women will die if we don't get him soon. Elliot, if you go undercover with her, things could get suspicious. The guy is really just a leader of a _group_. There's a small group of men that rape and then kill the prostitutes. There's a big chance you would get caught, and then we wouldn't make the bust."

Elliot glared at him. "A pack of rapists against Olivia? I don't think so," he growled.

Olivia cut in. "It's fine, Elliot. I know what I'm doing. I'll be all right," she said, putting her hand on his arm gently.

Elliot looked at her and took her hand off of his shoulder. "Leave, Olivia," he said.

Olivia began to open her mouth to protest, but instead she just turned around and obediently left. She stood outside the door, though, and listened to what they were saying.

"Olivia can't go out alone and pretend to be a prostitute around a group of people who rape and kill prostitutes. That's about the stupidest thing I've ever heard of," Elliot barked.

"She will be all right. I promise she'll be okay," Cragen replied.

Olivia heard the two men argue for several more minutes, but finally Cragen yelled at Elliot and made him leave. When Elliot came out, he looked at Olivia and they both walked back to the locker room so Olivia could continue to pack her stuff.

"I need you to be careful for me, okay?" he said.

Olivia nodded and felt her stomach lurch.

Elliot sat down. "I just don't feel all right with this. I don't want you to do it," he said.

Olivia sat beside him. "I don't really want to either. But I don't really have a choice, Elliot," she said.

He nodded. "Okay. Just be careful. Promise me."

She looked him in the eyes. "I promise I'll be careful."

_Current:_

Elliot couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was, at first, just an emotionless sentence. _"It's Olivia. She was hurt while she was undercover and...and she didn't make it." _

That sentence was so painful for Elliot to interpret that at first, he didn't interpret it. He just heard it. It was just a sentence, nothing more. He couldn't think about what the sentence meant. His mind wasn't working. He stared back at Cragen blankly.

"Did you hear me? Elliot?" Cragen asked, setting a hand on his shoulder.

Elliot suddenly couldn't remember what he'd heard. "No," he answered. "No, I didn't hear you. I didn't."

Cragen saw that Elliot was in shock. Reality wasn't setting in. He needed to put this another way so that Elliot would understand. This was so difficult for him. It was difficult for both of them. This was the worst thing Cragen could imagine happening.

"Olivia is dead, Elliot. She was shot and killed," he elaborated.

Elliot shook his head. "N-No she wasn't," he said.

Cragen sat beside him. "She was, Elliot. Look, I know this is hard on you-"

"No she's not!" Elliot interrupted.

Cragen could see that Elliot was beginning to comprehend what he was saying.

"She...can't be...dead. I talked to her last week. I hugged her and told her good luck before she left to go undercover. I...I held her in my arms, she was there, she was warm and she smelled like...Olivia...can't be dead. We just...just got a new case, she has to work on it with me. She's my partner, she has to work the case with me," he sputtered, his eyes wide and blank.

Cragen remained silent, trying not to cry anymore in front of Elliot. "Look, why don't I give you a lift home, okay? I'll get you something to eat and drop you off at your apartment."

Elliot looked up at him, blinking slowly, his blue eyes getting more watery with each blink.

"Come on," Cragen said, helping him up.

Elliot tried to snap out of it, but he couldn't understand. _Olivia's dead. Olivia is dead. Olivia is..._dead_? _He didn't get it. What? Olivia couldn't be dead. No, no, no, no. He thought about the words, but they didn't mean much. Then he thought harder, creating imagery for the sentence. First he thought of Olivia's face, her body, her smell...then he thought about her getting shot, and then he thought about her beautiful brown eyes closing, and her body getting still, and her heart stopping. And then he thought of her body, not moving, and then being lowered into a gleaming wooden casket, and then being put into the ground.

Elliot felt the tears coming fast. Now it had hit him. Olivia, his partner of twelve long years, his best friend, the secret love of his life, was gone. He would never speak to her again, he would never get to kiss her or admit to her that he loved her. He would never look into her eyes again, he would never interrogate another suspect with her again, he would never again see her face.

Cragen's eyes widened as tears began rolling down Elliot's face and his jaw clenched. So it had finally hit him, Elliot had finally had the realization that she was gone.

Suddenly Elliot turned around and socked Cragen in the jaw.

"This is all your fault! You let her go out there alone! She didn't even want to, she knew something was going to happen! _I_ knew that something was going to happen!" he roared.

He punched Cragen again and then wasn't surprised when he felt hands pulling him back.

"Elliot! Elliot, watch it, man!" Fin yelled.

Then Elliot looked away from him and stared at Cragen, who was on the ground, wiping blood from his nose.

Elliot backed up against the wall and leaned his side against it. "Why didn't I stop her? I knew something was going to happen!"

Fin helped Cragen up and led him to the restroom. Then he went up to Elliot and put his hand on the sobbing man's shoulder. "I'm going to take you home, okay? And I'll stay for awhile. Maybe you'll feel better," he said.

Elliot shook his head. "Olivia's the only one who can make me feel better. And she...is...gone."

"Your name is Susan Wright. You're a dentist's assistant, and you now live in northern New Jersey. I'll give you directions to your new home before you go. You went to New York University, and you haven't ever been married nor have you ever been engaged. You are never to leave the house at all, because you'd be risking getting seen. You can't make any phone calls at all whatsoever. We'll give you a phone that you can call only us with. You're in the most advanced segment of the Witness Protection Program, you are among those on the run from the most dangerous people in the United States."

Olivia had never thought that WPP would be _this_ bad. What the hell? She never even got to see the light of day! She was going to have to stay trapped inside a house until somebody caught the group of rapists that she had witnessed killing a young prostitute that she'd met when she was undercover. What had happened was this: Olivia had been standing around in a skimpy dress among at least ten other prostitutes. Then a car had stopped and a guy inside had told the younger girl beside her to get in the car. The girl had gone, and then the car's windows had rolled up. The car sat still for several minutes, and then the window rolled back down and the same guy told Olivia to come into the car too. Knowing that this was the group of rapists that had been killing prostitues, Olivia climbed in, hoping to make a bust. But things hadn't gone the way she'd wanted them to go. One of the guys searched her and found the gun that she'd kept in her boot. She'd never dreamed that they would find it. She'd never dreamed that they'd search her at all. But they did, and they took her gun. Then she had sat next to the young prostitute, whose name was Rebecca, as the car drove up to an apartment. That was when things got dirty. They put Olivia in the kitchen and were nice to her, and she was nice back, because she was, after all, a prostitute, and these were her employers. So she'd sat in the kitchen and drank some water with the guys, trying several times to get into the room where she knew that Rebecca was being raped. But how, she wondered, was a prostitute raped? Maybe she wasn't. But she was still going to be killed, and Olivia had to stop that. She was unsuccessful, though. She kept trying to get to Rebecca, but the men had held her back while another man was in with Rebecca.

Finally, a man came out of the room in which Rebecca was being kept, and Olivia immediately knew Rebecca was dead when she noticed a bit of blood on the back of the man's clothes. She asked if she could go to the restroom, and she had ended up inside a bedroom with a window and a fire escape. Perfect. She left the apartment and began to be chased when one of the men realized what she had done. She eventually found a hiding spot, in the back of an alley, and none of the men found her.

Then, eventually, she ended up in the Witness Protection Program. She hadn't realized that it would be this bad, though. She thought she'd be able to at least call Elliot and tell him where she was.

"So, wait...does my team think that I'm...dead?" Olivia asked.

The woman looked at her like she was stupid. "Well, yes, Miss. They have been told that you were shot and killed when you were undercover."

Olivia's eyes widened and her heart skipped a beat. "No, no...they can't think that. I have to at least tell my par-"

"You can't tell anybody that you're alive. Olivia Benson is dead, at least for a little while. You're Susan for now. When the group that you witnessed killing Rebecca is found, then you'll be able to go back to work and return to your normal life," the woman explained.

Olivia shook her head. "But you don't understand, I...I _have_ to tell my partner that I'm not dead," she protested.

"No, you don't. You _have_ to remain completely gone to those associated with Olivia Benson. Olivia Benson is _dead_, understand?" the woman snapped. She looked mad now.

"But-"

"Okay, let's put it this way, _Susan_. If you tell anybody, you're putting your life in danger. So just hope that the rapist group will be caught soon, bnecause you can't tell anybody from your old life that you're alive," she said.

Olivia searched the woman's eyes. She couldn't do this. She couldn't go on in life with everybody thinking that she was dead. What about Elliot?

Two weeks passed. Olivia couldn't believe this. She knew that Elliot was upset. He had already been upset when she went undercover, and now he was going to get the idea that she was dead? He was probably blaming himself for everything, like he always did when anything happened to her. She couldn't stand this. She _had_ to do something. She had to tell Elliot. Only Elliot. She _had _to tell him. She couldn't stand it.

So one night a little past ten o'clock, Olivia put on a pair of jeans, a blonde wig that she had from going undercover a long time ago, and a black hoodie. She pulled the hood up and left the house. She had been outside occasionally in the past two weeks, but she hadn't left her perfect little neighborhood at all. It was going to be really nice to get back into New York. Once she was out of the little neighborhood, she got a taxi to Elliot's apartment. It costed a lot since it was a long way, but she didn't care.

She kept her head down the whole time she was in his building, but she wasn't too nervous because she had on a blonde wig. She didn't understand why the hell the WPP rules wouldn't allow her to do something like this to tell one person that was very important to her that she was, in fact, alive. It wasn't like anybody could possibly find out about this.

Olivia nervously knocked on the door, but she didn't receive an answer. She knocked again, and finally she heard the door swing open. She saw Elliot's familiar bare chest, but she continued to keep her head down as she pushed her way through. She needed in quickly; she was getting nervous standing out there in the hall of his apartment when she was supposed to be in New Jersey.

"What the hell?" Elliot asked.

"Elliot," Olivia said.

Elliot gasped and flipped on the lights. Olivia pulled down the hood and took off the blonde wig. Elliot's eyelids flickered.

"Y-You're not dead!" he yelled.

Olivia hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek, and then worked her way down to his lips. When she pulled back, she saw that Elliot was looking pretty confused, and he had a right to be.

"Cragen told me that you were...dead..."

Olivia hugged him again, and he squeezed her tightly. He smelled her hair and felt her soft cheek and was so glad that she was there.

"Elliot, I was there when a girl got killed. They made me go into WPP," she said. "I'm not allowed to be here. They said I could get killed."

Elliot shook his head. "Oh my God, I'm so glad you're all right. Oh, God," he said, hugging her a third time and closing his eyes and pushing his cheek against hers. He was so relieved.

"Olivia, how could you put me through this shit for two weeks? Do you have any idea how damn painful it was? I thought that you were _dead_. I thought you were dead, I thought I'd never get to tell you that I love you more than anything in the world," Elliot said.

Olivia tried not to cry. "I love you too. That's why I came to tell you that I'm alive. But I can't be here, Elliot. I can't see you again after I leave. I just wanted to tell you that I'm not dead. I can't come back until the rapists are caught. I got away, and now they're after me."

Elliot sat down on the couch and Olivia sat beside him.

"I thought I wouldn't ever see you again, or touch you again," he said, putting his hand on her neck.

Olivia looked away for him for a second and noticed that his apartment was a wreck. She saw empty vodka bottles all over the place too. She picked one up and held it in front of Elliot. "What the hell is this?"

"I...thought you were dead, so-"

"So what?" Olivia demanded.

"So I thought I might as well drink to get away from reality. I didn't really care if I drank myself to death," he admitted.

Olivia shook her head. "I thought you were stronger than that, Elliot."

"I am, but just not when it involves you."

Olivia leaned in and kissed him again. She wished she could stay here all night with Elliot, but she knew she needed to leave soon. She had to get back to her home in New Jersey, and it had taken about an hour and a half to get to Elliot's apartment, so she needed to leave if she wanted back by 1:30 a.m.

"Elliot, I have to go now. I can't talk to you, and I can't see you either. I'm sorry. But as soon as the guys are caught, I can see everybody again. Will that be okay?" she asked.

Elliot stared at her with wide blue eyes. "No, of course it won't. I'll think about you night and day," he said.

Olivia swallowed. "I'm going to miss you too. I hope they catch them soon," she said. Then she stood up and Elliot walked her to the door. He kissed her one more time.

She didn't know when they would be caught, but they would definitely be caught. That much she knew.

"I love you, Elliot," she said.

"I love you too," he replied.

"Bye," she whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Bye," Elliot said.

With that, Olivia put the blonde wig back on and pulled the hood back over her head, and she gave him one last look, and then she was gone. She wasn't sure when, but she knew she'd see him again.

**AN: Okay, so I know this isn't the ideal ending, but...I tried ending it differently and it didn't work. I feel like this story sort of went downhill. That's why I stopped it here. Please review for me though! REVIEWS ARE VERY APPRECIATED!**


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